Sealed With a Kiss or Kick?

So a recent chain of events has left me a little unnerved. But first, a little background.

Griffin*: Griffin and I have a bit of a convoluted history. We met five years ago and our idea of a good time was tooling around the city on a motorcycle. Part of our flirtation consisted of sending each other politically incorrect gifts. He once gave me a video of men hunting for naked women (WTF?) and I responded in kind with a Plumpy Patty blow-up doll. I told him he could use her as a flotation device for his Jacuzzi. People thought we were warped; we thought we were funny. Anyway, things got complicated, but we’ve pulled through and are now pretty good friends.

So you can imagine my hesitancy when Griffin called me a couple of weeks ago asking me for my mailing address, as he had a gift he wanted to send me. I braced myself for the obscene. Nevertheless, he sent me a nice gift. Homemade, even. So yay for surprise gifts in the mail.

Butcher: Butcher and I dated when I was in grad school. OK, so he wasn’t a full-time butcher. He worked for an insurance company, but he did work for a butcher during the weekend sometimes as a hobby. He also used to speak in half-sentences, saying that he was “conserving his words”. His condo was swank, adorned with Rat Pack paraphernalia and a pool table. Quirky is an understatement. Anyway, Butcher moved to Iowa and we speak maybe once a year with the obligatory “Hey, how’s life treating you” e-mail.

Last week, I got an e-mail from Butcher asking me what my address is, that he has a gift for me. Hmmm. Haven’t heard from the guy in a year and he has a gift? I have no freaking clue what it is. And since he’s a “conservationist”, he’s not telling me what it is. So I’m just waiting for the mystery package to arrive.

Twice in a month, now, and I have random gifts coming in the mail. Don’t get me wrong, gifts are great and all…but what gives? Why the sudden niceties? Talk about making a girl paranoid!

*From here on out, the author will use pseudonyms to keep confidentiality. This methodology also gives her an excuse to create nicknames for her friends. Mwah ha ha….