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Location: Chicago, IL, United States

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Sealed With a Kiss or Kick?

So a recent chain of events has left me a little unnerved. But first, a little background.

Griffin*: Griffin and I have a bit of a convoluted history. We met five years ago and our idea of a good time was tooling around the city on a motorcycle. Part of our flirtation consisted of sending each other politically incorrect gifts. He once gave me a video of men hunting for naked women (WTF?) and I responded in kind with a Plumpy Patty blow-up doll. I told him he could use her as a flotation device for his Jacuzzi. People thought we were warped; we thought we were funny. Anyway, things got complicated, but we’ve pulled through and are now pretty good friends.

So you can imagine my hesitancy when Griffin called me a couple of weeks ago asking me for my mailing address, as he had a gift he wanted to send me. I braced myself for the obscene. Nevertheless, he sent me a nice gift. Homemade, even. So yay for surprise gifts in the mail.

Butcher: Butcher and I dated when I was in grad school. OK, so he wasn’t a full-time butcher. He worked for an insurance company, but he did work for a butcher during the weekend sometimes as a hobby. He also used to speak in half-sentences, saying that he was “conserving his words”. His condo was swank, adorned with Rat Pack paraphernalia and a pool table. Quirky is an understatement. Anyway, Butcher moved to Iowa and we speak maybe once a year with the obligatory “Hey, how’s life treating you” e-mail.

Last week, I got an e-mail from Butcher asking me what my address is, that he has a gift for me. Hmmm. Haven’t heard from the guy in a year and he has a gift? I have no freaking clue what it is. And since he’s a “conservationist”, he’s not telling me what it is. So I’m just waiting for the mystery package to arrive.

Twice in a month, now, and I have random gifts coming in the mail. Don’t get me wrong, gifts are great and all…but what gives? Why the sudden niceties? Talk about making a girl paranoid!

*From here on out, the author will use pseudonyms to keep confidentiality. This methodology also gives her an excuse to create nicknames for her friends. Mwah ha ha….


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is Griffin:
I fail to see what is wrong with hunting hot naked women with a paint gun. Although I have to confess I never got to see the video. Plumpy Patty was hot though. I also noticed how you conveniently forgot to mention you requested the gift you just received. I considering a libel suit. And is it really considered a blog if it is only updated 4 times per year.

3/07/2008 11:09 AM  
Blogger The Artful Blogger said...

Why is it that, when I am reading about "surprise, homemade gifts", all I can think about is the end of "Se7en"? I need new friends...

3/07/2008 11:45 AM  

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