"Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you" -M. West

I know that I've been MIA lately and haven't been very good at updating my blog. Have you heard of this little thing called "law school'? It keeps me on my toes and out of trouble. Well, for the most part.

I promise to put some quality material up later, but for now...quotes Mae West. I love this woman and her quips. Enjoy!

• A hard man is good to find.
• An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
• Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
• Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
• He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
• I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
• It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.
• It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
• It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
• Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
• Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home...I'm tired.
• Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
• When women go wrong, men go right after them.
• You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

My personal favorites:

• When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
• I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
• Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
• I generally avoid temptation, unless I can't resist it.
• He who hesitates is a damned fool.
• To err is human, but it feels divine.

And the best of all?

• When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad...I'm better.

Taxi Talisman

March 2004

I was in my second semester of graduate school, trying to figure out what my next step in my professional life was going to be. I had just finished my Environmental Health class and learned of asinine laws (and PAC money) that have a detrimental effect upon health and our society as a whole. It made me mad. In fact, so passionately angry that I wanted to stand up and do something about our legal system and its imminent demise.

I considered that night becoming a lawyer and fighting the system from the inside out. I did not talk about it with anyone, because I wanted some time to mull this path over in my own mind. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to get another degree, let alone go into the field of law. Was I really cut out to achieve this task? Did I have it in me to clear another obstacle?

The next morning provided bitter cold weather, as Chicago March's typically provide. I was also running late to my Friday morning meeting at work and decided cabbing it would be my best bet.

I bundled up in my overcoat and headed out to hail a taxi. As I settled into the backseat, the cab driver looked at me in his rear-view mirror as though he wanted to tell me something.

Paranoid that I had spilt coffee on my shirt (or something equally embarrassing), I asked "Yes?"

He replied, "Oh, it's nothing, ma'am."

By the time we had reached my office, I could tell he still had something on his mind.

"No, really, you can tell me, what did you want to say earlier?"

He turns around and said to me, "Don't worry. You're going to be a great lawyer. You are going to make me proud."

Shocked, I handed him the fare in silence. I eventually gathered my wits and inquired as to how he knew I was going to be a lawyer.

"I just know these kinds of things," he whispered.

Why I Love G.K.

Pennies For My Thoughts
by Garrison Keillor

I wish the pope had talked to me before he gave his "evil and inhuman" speech that got Muslims so testy at him. I could have told him, "Don't quote some old emperor's thoughts about Muslims unless you're willing to have people confuse his views with yours." You don't tell a Mormon, "My neighbor used to be Mormon and he says it's the weirdest religion since the Incas." He'll give you the hairy eyeball and go off to the temple and start converting your deceased ancestors.

If you're the Holy Pontiff, you should watch what you say, with the infallibility factor and all. You toss out an idea and suddenly people are on their knees repeating word for word what you said. You'd think the pope has some peeps to tell him this. He can't just put on a pair of Ray-Bans and toss back an appletini and shoot the breeze as if he were Joe Blow from Kokomo. I could have told him that, had he asked.

My advantage is that I'm in Minnesota and it's September, there's a chill in the air, and this makes us smarter. Cold is a stimulant of intelligence. This has been shown time and time again.

If only Ford Motor Co. had spoken to me before admitting publicly that it expects to fall behind Toyota in the near future. The execs must be spending too much time at the beach. That's weenie talk. They should have said, "Market share is not what it's about for us. We know in our hearts that we are making the right cars for America at this time, and we will keep making them no matter how unpopular they are. In the end, we'll be proven right." Walk tall, Ford. Don't cry in the beer. That's my advice. Too bad you didn't ask.

I am an elder, after all, my boyish grin and insouciant manner notwithstanding. I have been around the block. In other civilizations, I would sit cross-legged in my lodge and you people would approach me, bowing, and ask my counsel. You could do this anyway.

And that crazy Congressman John Boehner (R-Ohio). He made a speech asking whether Democrats are "more interested in protecting terrorists than in protecting the American people." He should have talked to me first. The U.S. House of Representatives, in which Mr. Boehner serves as majority leader, is not an institution held in high esteem these days, and before he chucks road apples at Democrats, he should tend to his own business. The House took a five-week summer vacation, came back into session, debated the Abraham Lincoln Commemorative Coin Act, then spent four hours debating a bill to prohibit slaughtering horses for consumption--horse meat! In this country, horse meat is served only to carnivores in zoos, but various gasbags had to stand up and laud our equine friends, praise their role in the western migration, the U.S. Cavalry, etc., meanwhile the subjects of immigration, port security, terrorism and the war went unmentioned in the House chamber.

Commemorative coins!!??! The U.S. Mint is still producing pennies, though a penny costs more than a penny to produce (and a nickel costs more than a nickel), and people throw the coins away because they're worthless and a nuisance, and other people don't bend down to pick them up, despite the saying "See a penny, pick it up, and the rest of the day you'll have good luck," and the Mint keeps cranking out more small change to replace those--it's deficit spending in action. It's foolishness on wheels. Boehner's majority is helpless to solve this or to deal with the great issues of this country aside from whether to feed Trigger to the lions. And then he hauls off and accuses Democrats of treason. Who is this guy and who is responsible for monitoring his medications?

You want to know what I think? Congress should leave town. Move north to where they can feel the crisp chill breeze of reality. Maybe a place in the middle of the country, along the Mississippi River. Let D.C. keep the Pentagon, the White House, the statuary, the vast marble and granite sheds of the federal bureaucracy, and move our nation's deliberative bodies to a place with a clearer view. There is plenty of land available along the Mississippi, rolling hills, woods, meadows. No need to spend money on a dome and pillars--just pitch two big circus tents, one for the House, one for the Senate, bring in FEMA trailers for housing, and let's see if we can't get more work out of these people.

~Published September 20, 2006
Garrison Keillor is an author and host of "A Prairie Home Companion."

Oskee wow-wow!

Finally, some common sense prevails:

Chief Illiniwek can keep on dancing

Che-he! Che-ha! Che-ha-ha-ha!
Go Illini go!

Happiness Is: Good Friends, Food and Conversation

Last night was one of the most relaxing evenings I've had in quite awhile.

Scott made me a delicious risotto dinner, complete with a lovely Spanish white wine (I'm wishing I would have written it down, so I don't do my aimless walk around the wine shop). Scott is the Will to my Grace, though not quite as neurotic as I. *Ahem*

Anyway, he is happily taken...so it's just me complaining about crazy men. We wined, dined, and watched The Daily Show (followed by The Colbert Report). I could not ask for a better way to wind down the week.

The Fiddler called last night, and we talked on the phone for 3 hours. THREE HOURS! I normally hate talking on the phone, but we definitely ran the gamut last night. Dinner is established for Sunday evening, so I'm sure I'll have some interesting news to report on Monday morning.

Next on the agenda: outfit/shoe selection...what to wear...what to wear...

The Future Is Here

Check out the woman with the bionic arm who can control its movement with merely her thoughts.

I was a science major. I also did medical research at a prestigious university for years. Even I have to say, "Holy Crap! How did they do that?!?!"

G.W. is having a bad day...

First he was called beelzebub by Sean Penn at the Toronto Film Fest. Then he was called a dumb f*** by Natalie Maines in her new documentary. It's no secret that the Chicks are not Bush fans...does anyone remember that little incident from 2003?

::steps up on soapbox::

No matter what your political opinions are, there is no excuse for berating/boycotting/threatening those who state their opinions. Our country was built on a freedom of speech for a reason. I/we/you have the right to express yourself just as much as the next person. (Yes, I know that there are limits to this, but I won't delve into all the legal mumbo-jumbo right now.) So back off. Let 'em be.

::end of soapbox::

Something's Fishy...

Sure, sushi may poison you with mercury, but it also may help fight obesity!

My advice? Everything in moderation, people.

All For You

Right now my building is having a back-to-school fashion show downstairs.

The store spotlighted is "Rainbow Fashion". The models are 40 year old women in baby-poop green cardigans, carrying teddy bears and lunch boxes. They top it off by blasting Janet Jackson's greatest hits.

I only wish I had my camera to share just how special this occassion is.

Begin the Beguine

"They say that all good things must end someday. Autumn leaves must fall."
~A Summer Song

Well...Labor Day has come and gone and officially, summer has ended. I really can't complain, as my summer has been marvelous. It was filled with vacations, beaches, baseball games, novels, margaritas, and dancing. Summers in the future will be filled with productivity, so I am glad to have been able to have this one last blast of rest and relaxation.

Law school is up and running again. I'm enjoying my classes, even though I've been the first called on in two of my classes (oh, the joys of cold-calling). My favorite is Environmental Law, although Evidence is a close second.

What's more interesting is the influx of 1Ls...God help me, I want to smack them.

Exhibit A: Rolling back-packs
Is it just me, or does every new student have one of these? Come on people...if I can lug my books around in my backpack or messenger bag, surely you can do it too. I understand if you're older or have a disability, but these young 22 year olds have no excuse. These are also a huge contributor to elevator delays (because they can't POSSIBLY pick up the bag for ONE flight of stairs).

Exhibit B: Law School Theater
As I type in the student lounge, there is a group of girls discussing contract law. If by discussing you mean, "screaming over each other while looking around the room to see who is watching". It's one thing to be in a study group and try to work through some inevitable confusion of course work, but I really don't want to hear your valley-girl "Look-at-me-I'm-sooo-smart" screeches. I know that lawyer-types tend to like attention, but seriously, this is ridiculous.

Ugh. That beach in Cozumel is looking more and more tempting to return to...